Shoot Me Now
Mary: Ok, Ok, Ok! I said I would. I’ll type your post for you, but you are going to have to give me some space. I can hardly move you’re so up-close.
Hagar: I just want to make sure you are doing it write, right, see just like that. First, you typed w-r-i-t-e. You are trying to do too many things at the same time. It’s what you humans do. Just keep it to one thing.
Mary: Do you want me to do this or do you want to preach?
Hagar: I want you to do it, but I want it to be correct. You go so fast. Ok, stop looking at me like that. I won’t preach anymore. I want to write about the cone thing. Did I tell you how much I hate that cone?
Mary: You did at least seventy times this morning. You have to wear it because licking your incision is a no no.
Hagar: Dogs are meant to lick. It hurts and feels better when I lick it. Besides whose big idea was it to cut me open in the first place? Answer that.
Mary: I’m going to ignore your last comment. I guess you had forgotten how much it hurt when you got that tear in your meniscus?
According to veterinarian Dr. Kathryn Primm at I heart dogs “It isn’t a good idea to let your dog lick your wounds and it also isn’t a good idea to let him lick his own. Despite the suggestion that there may be bactericidal benefits, the trauma caused by the friction of licking is destructive to the healing process.”
What I want to know is, who would let their dog lick their wound? Yuck, I’ve seen what you eat in the woods. No thank you. You keep your tongue to yourself.
Hagar: It seems to me, you are being unduly aggressive. I just said I hate the cone. Would you stop rolling your eyes?
Mary: Most of all I want you to get better. I’m sorry I don’t mean to be aggressive. What do you want to say on your post today?
Hagar: Donald Trump should ban Elizabethan collars for all dogs entering the country.
Mary: You aren’t entering the country and how do you know about that anyway?
Hagar: I have my ways. You know you and Hubs talk about stuff. What are Sophie and I supposed to do? Lie there going lalalalala with our paws over our ears? But, he’s a powerful man, kinda like an alpha dog, just sayin’.
But not a vet. Do you honestly want to write about Donald Trump?
Hagar: (thumping his head down in Mary’s lap with a sigh) I just want to feel better. and I don’t want to look like a giant flower.
Mary: Then don’t take your cone off. It’s only ten more days, and then you won’t need it anymore.
Hagar and Mary think but don’t say: Shoot me now.