Mary Morony, Author of Apron Strings, Done Growed Up and If It Ain't One Thing

Scoop on Poop

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Hagar’s Scoop Poop

Hagar here with a scoop on poop. The other day, I told Mary I was planning on doing a post on poop. After she had unscrewed the look of utter incredulity (big word for a dog, don’tcha think?) from her face, she said, “It better not stink, but actually, that might be PERFECT to follow my last post on politics.”

I had to scratch over that for a minute. I still don’t get it but being able to wax poetic on a topic I like to think I am an expert on is better than a tummy rub. Right there, yeah, that’s it. Right there. Aww man, you got it. Where was I? Oh yeah the odorous poo, besides food, my favorite topic.

Dogs, as everyone knows, have outstanding olfactory senses. That’s because, us dogs blessed as we are with way more smell receptors than people—like millions. Just to give you an idea of how sensitive we are in that department, I bet you have heard that a shark can smell a drop of blood in a swimming pool full of water. That’s two-thirds of all they think about, smell. Dogs, clearly superior beings, can not only smell that same drop of blood, but they can find who it used to belong to as well. HAH!

Right now, I know you are probably asking yourself why to lead with smell when you are going to write about excrement. It stinks! But there my friend is where you are throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Hmm, why would you do that?!?

Dog Sniff

The information available in scat is mind blowing. One sniff can tell me who, what where, when and what they had for lunch. It can cover up my scent if I want to sneak up on somebody and can tell me if I need to worry about being somebody’s  lunch—more info than on Facebook.

Humans—don’t get me wrong I love you guys. We can’t all be dogs. Who would…Where was I? —are limited in your ability to pick up on the nuanced scents in fecal matter. But you can see reasonably well so use your peepers and check out your poops. It is like going to an aquarium for your digestive track and your diet. Just like a good sniff, I know you guys aren’t into that, but take the time to check before you flush, don’t even get me started on the insanity of flushing!! There are a lot of you. Even I might get a little overwhelmed with that quantity, so keep flushing but before you do, take a look first. It has been said, by humans that know this stuff, a turd is a complete summary of your health and wellness. It delivers a wealth of information about your body including your blood, your metabolism, and even your mental well-being. Think of it like checking your T-mail (yes, that’s turd-mail) every morning.

Dogs will talk all day about what comes out of their bum, humans not so much. They want to get rid of it quickly, to hide it, to flush it away. Sort of like some dogs who want to cover up their doo by kicking and scratching up grass clippings. That makes no sense at all to me, but I suppose they don’t want to give away any information especially if they are up to no good. I’d be wary of those grass kickers if I were you!

Here are some of the things you can learn from your T-mail:

Color: Healthy = cinnamon brown color. Yellow or green = the food didn’t stick around long for the bacteria to break down and digest properly. OR, sometimes green poop can tell you that you ate a lot of green, leafy vegetables or avacado maybe. Light gray or brown stools, can be a sign of bile deficiency, an indicator you may have trouble digesting fats.

Sixty percent of your daily metabolism goes toward digestion. A week metabolism means you won’t be able to digest your food well. Weak digestion leads to gas and bloating and often your poop will become stinky. If you frequently have gas and have to open a window to keep the paint on the wall while in the loo, it can mean that your digestion and metabolism may be weak.

If you are dehydrated, your body will absorb more water from your stools. Your poop will become dry, hard, and difficult to pass. If you are dehydrated, you won’t be able to produce enzymes to digest your food. Your digestion will become sluggish, and you’ll end up with stagnant, rotten poop in your digestive tract. Your mood may be fowl with all those toxins sitting around in your body!

The quantity of your T-mail offers another clue to overall good health. The average human passes about one pound of feces per day. Americans are low in that department due to a decided lack of fiber in their diet. You, eat more FIBER Give your dogs more bones!! Softer stools, or excreting an extremely long log can feel satisfying, but likely means your body is not getting as much all of the nourishment available in your food.

There are lots of different types of poop – each with its unique meaning. And ideally you get a daily delivery— otherwise, rotting food is sitting in your gut at 98.6 degrees. Who wants rotted food hanging around in your intestines which are like sponges – regardless of what’s in them. If rotten food has taken up residence, your body is soaking up that toxicity.

Intriguing that you guys want to hide your poop when it tells SO MUCH about your health. Why do we hide it and/or flush it away? Because it stinks, that’s why. You can see I have done you a solid with all of this info. Get over yourselves and the stink.

Poop with joy and abandon… Hagar out.HagarPaw


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