DO NOT Let The Dogs Out!
Okay, okay you guys can stop emailing Mary to bring her canine mascots to booksignings and events, please! DO NOT let the dog’s out! Really.
The email campaign from Mary’s fans asking that my sister Sophie and me to come along for events worked. Mary and her Hubs took us to a Labor Day picnic a couple of weeks ago. A more miserable day, I can’t remember. First, she had to convince Hubs (he doesn’t like her to use his name, so we all refer to him as “Hubs” instead – guess he’s shy) that taking us was a good idea. He did not buy the idea, even said things like “they aren’t used to going out”. Whose fault is that? I wanted to ask, but didn’t.
Mary promised Hubs that if we dogs acted up, she’d take care of us. “It won’t be a problem for you,” I heard her say, “Their public is asking for them!”
Like I said, we went to a picnic. Sounded like a good idea. There’s food, outside on the ground, lots of opportunities to sneak some when nobody is looking. What’s not to like?
First of all, there was no red and white checked thing that covers the grass. You know the thing they put down with the food on top? I thought that was a MUST for picnics. There was NO food on the ground at all. That is, except the food the little humans, Mary called them kids, dropped.
What there was, was a huge cement thing full of water that little kids jumped into and screamed and splashed a lot, with terrifying animals bigger than Sophie and me put together. They looked like that stuff balls are made of, but they were too frightening to get close enough to find out. Besides if they were alive, I didn’t want to be anywhere near them. I’m telling you these things were bigger than cows.
It took forever to get to this place. There was a wreck on the way so we had to turn around and go another way. Sophie had already decided by then that riding in a car was not as much fun as she had thought and cried the whole way to the picnic. When we finally got there, there was Piglet and Lacey’s house, Piglet acted like he had never seen me before. He got all up in what little junk I still have, so much so I finally just went back and sat in the car. Between his sexual advances, the kids, and the water splashing, I was a wreck. Sophie didn’t fair much better.
Please no more emails asking Mary to take us with her. We will stay home happily and send photos and videos.
Thank you very much.