This past weekend Hubs, Hagar, Sophie and I played host to thirty plus folks with whom I happened to share DNA. The canine members of the family insisted that I let people know how to behave vis á vis the dogs before they arrived. I penned a short guide to our guests on how one must comport themselves upon arrival.
For our Guests
Hagar and Sophie asked me to assure you that despite appearances to the contrary they delight to welcome you and your children to their home, I promise.
When you arrive your host and hostess even though not one paw did they lift in preparations, you are –in their minds- most assuredly their guests) will race out to greet you with a basso profundo recitation of the house rules. Rather than engage with them while there are performing their official duties, it is best to soldier on as if they were not there.
Suspend your survival response and ignore them.
Assuredly, it’s not an easy ask. However, reaching out at this point in their ceremony is a breach of etiquette. Moreover, it could upset their sense of how things ought to be. Once their very exacting vetting process is complete, they will move among you in a manner befitting their stations. Before the evening is over Hagar will be sitting in your lap.
Mr. Biggies, pleased with the announcement and the effect it had on his guests, thought the event “an excellent affair. All, obviously decerning, commented on my good looks.” He particularly appreciated that most of his attempts at sitting in laps were well received later in the evening.
Sopharina, on the other paw, saw room for some improvements. In her mind, guests should toss frankfurters gently in her direction rather than expect her to take one out of a hand of which she had no prior knowledge. Someone (that would have been me) needed to inform them. And while I was at it; hamburgers trump hot dogs. I, also put myself in the doghouse when I embarrassed her by sharing that her face broke out when she ate gluten so nixed any more buns tossed in her direction.
Despite their reclusive lives, my dog pals stepped up to the challenge like the true party animals they are. I heard them mumbling together this morning about what a swell time that had and how they couldn’t wait for next year. “We are going to do it again, right?’ was the last thing I heard before they saw that I was eavesdropping and they changed the subject.